From my other blog......

This post is from my other blog. Typos and all. LOL :) "April 2012... Sometimes I wonder, when I look back on my life, how things would be if I had made different choices; if events had played out differently. And then sometimes, for a BRIEF moment, I just want it all to be over - to just fall into unconsciousness or whatever; where I don't have to think, to struggle, to FEEL, to remember ... and then I think about not ever hugging my children again, not ever hearing them laugh again, or worse, them being scattered to the four winds and not ever seeing each other again, and I think ro myself "you selfish bitch". I'm just so damn tired of my life being HARD. Stuggling to pay bills, living in run down houses, not having nice things, seemingly not being able to keep a job... sometimes it feels like the cards are stacked against me. I am intelligent. I am not afraid of work. I have accomplished things in my life. For frying out loud I was a PRESENTER at tue American Psychological Association's National convention as an UNDERGRADUATE for research that I did! That stands for something doesn't it? But why don't employers see that? They look at my work history, which looks spotty because it is, and don't want to hire me. Without a job, I am destined for the Welfare merry-go-round I am afraid, and I don't even want to think about retirement. I won't have anything to retire ON. I'll be one of those senior citizens that you read about that eats dog food because they can't afford groceries and lives in the projects. Ok. Rant is over. Time to focus on what is in front of me. Ttfn.. "