Sickness....

I hate being sick.  Mom went to church this morning and I stayed home in bed. She is picking me up some Orange Juice and a box of Clementines. My throat feels like I have swallowed razors, or shards of glass, anf I just feel bleah in general.  Going to stay in bed today and rest and make sure I can get to work the rest of the week.

From my other blog......

This post is from my other blog. Typos and all. LOL :) "April 2012... Sometimes I wonder, when I look back on my life, how things would be if I had made different choices; if events had played out differently. And then sometimes, for a BRIEF moment, I just want it all to be over - to just fall into unconsciousness or whatever; where I don't have to think, to struggle, to FEEL, to remember ... and then I think about not ever hugging my children again, not ever hearing them laugh again, or worse, them being scattered to the four winds and not ever seeing each other again, and I think ro myself "you selfish bitch". I'm just so damn tired of my life being HARD. Stuggling to pay bills, living in run down houses, not having nice things, seemingly not being able to keep a job... sometimes it feels like the cards are stacked against me. I am intelligent. I am not afraid of work. I have accomplished things in my life. For frying out loud I was a PRESENTER at tue American Psychological Association's National convention as an UNDERGRADUATE for research that I did! That stands for something doesn't it? But why don't employers see that? They look at my work history, which looks spotty because it is, and don't want to hire me. Without a job, I am destined for the Welfare merry-go-round I am afraid, and I don't even want to think about retirement. I won't have anything to retire ON. I'll be one of those senior citizens that you read about that eats dog food because they can't afford groceries and lives in the projects. Ok. Rant is over. Time to focus on what is in front of me. Ttfn.. "

Escape...

Found this as I was cleaning out my briefcase. I wrote this while I was in Tennessee this past weekend. 11/11/2012 Here I am.. Gatlinburg, TN.. I didn't bring a journal so I am writing this on a legal pad. I have needed this escape for a long time I think. This weekend has been fun, relaxing, challenging,and I am glad I came. It has been a joy getting to know new people, getting to know new friends better, and exploring a new place. I think I would have enjoyed it more if Mark had been able to come but I am not sure about that either. Sandra has someone that she wants to introduce me to after this trip but I'll have to wait and see about that as well. I am here, surrounded by beauty, and yet I am restless and bored - and lonely. I am in a house full of people and I am lonely. I want someone to sit on the porch with and cuddle. Why do I do that to myself? Why do I focus on what I do not have instead of what I do have? Lisa and Sherri are sitting and drinking their mimosas and talking about school and what they will do when they get home, and what they will do on the way home. I don't have a friend like that. I think I would be happier if I just had a friend that I could call and go have a drink with. Betsy would certainly but I have invited her to a couple of events and even on this trip and she has cancelled on me. She is either sick or something. Maybe Sandra could become that kind of friend. I am fairly sure that, if I lived closer, Michelle would be, or could be, but she is in Indiana. Maybe, as several people have told me, I just need to become comfortable with my own company before I can be comfortable with the company of others - without there being a romantic interest. It is an idea worth considering. In the meantime, I am going to sit here and enjoy this gorgeous morning and listen to the wind in the trees, the birds singing, and just enjoy feeling the sun on my face.