Escape...

Found this as I was cleaning out my briefcase. I wrote this while I was in Tennessee this past weekend. 11/11/2012 Here I am.. Gatlinburg, TN.. I didn't bring a journal so I am writing this on a legal pad. I have needed this escape for a long time I think. This weekend has been fun, relaxing, challenging,and I am glad I came. It has been a joy getting to know new people, getting to know new friends better, and exploring a new place. I think I would have enjoyed it more if Mark had been able to come but I am not sure about that either. Sandra has someone that she wants to introduce me to after this trip but I'll have to wait and see about that as well. I am here, surrounded by beauty, and yet I am restless and bored - and lonely. I am in a house full of people and I am lonely. I want someone to sit on the porch with and cuddle. Why do I do that to myself? Why do I focus on what I do not have instead of what I do have? Lisa and Sherri are sitting and drinking their mimosas and talking about school and what they will do when they get home, and what they will do on the way home. I don't have a friend like that. I think I would be happier if I just had a friend that I could call and go have a drink with. Betsy would certainly but I have invited her to a couple of events and even on this trip and she has cancelled on me. She is either sick or something. Maybe Sandra could become that kind of friend. I am fairly sure that, if I lived closer, Michelle would be, or could be, but she is in Indiana. Maybe, as several people have told me, I just need to become comfortable with my own company before I can be comfortable with the company of others - without there being a romantic interest. It is an idea worth considering. In the meantime, I am going to sit here and enjoy this gorgeous morning and listen to the wind in the trees, the birds singing, and just enjoy feeling the sun on my face.